How do people see me?
It’s not because I don’t care but because I’m too busy asking my magic mirror (who isn’t very nice) what it thinks of me.
It always finds faults.
The way I look, act, parent, write…
When I put my face, my body, my writing, or my parenting skills in front of that mirror, they are ugly.
Add all my health problems and that’s that.
Sometimes I can fix the imperfections, other times I want to smash the mirror. There are days I can’t even look because I know what I will see.
In this way, I do wonder how others view me. I wonder if it’s the same way I view myself. I’m thinking it’s not.
I can be cruel.
I catch myself thinking something negative about myself and realize that I would never say that to someone else.
Chances are I wouldn’t even notice the perceived flaw.
Is this my internalization of society’s image of what I should be or an issue with my self-esteem? Is there a difference?
I’ve noticed I’m not alone in this. Why do otherwise ordinary, considerate, kind people do this to themselves?
My Sunday thoughts in 200 words or less.