When someone texts me to get together, my first inclination is to say “no”. My second inclination, which is nicer, says “no” and then gives an excuse.
Here’s the thing: I often wind up saying “yes”.
My mind is screaming “NOOOO!” so I overcompensate, texting loudly (yes, you can do that), something like “That would be great!” or “Sounds fun!”
At that point, my poor brain is crying and shouting like a two-year-old having a temper tantrum: “No! No! NO! I said ‘no’ and you’re NOT LISTENING TO MEEE!”
Why do I agree to go?
Being an extreme introvert, I have to do this occasionally. I have to ignore the whimpering and wailing if I ever want to leave the house again.
Other times, though, I should really listen to myself. It’s the nice thing to do. Also, there are days I’m just not up for a night out and my brain seems to know this. It gloats “I told you so!” at the party as I hide in the bathroom with a bottle of wine.
When do I listen and when do I ignore? I haven’t figured that part out yet.
Have you?
My Sunday thoughts in 200 words or less.
Are you an introvert? Do you battle with yourself about accepting invitations? Do you ever agree to do something or go somewhere you don’t want to? How does that work out?
Lemon Shark 
Phew! I am not the only one who does this. Thank you for this post. Am fighting terrible ‘I am weird’ feelings at the moment and added to this is my lack of social appetite.
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Thought I better clarify the weird bit. Being a writer is hard. You spend lots of time alone and you are plagued with self doubt. Think I need to get out more and activate my social button! Happy Sunday 🙂
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i can actually relate to this too. in my head, i’m dreading to go but surprise, surprise, most of the time i actually end up having a great time.
(although i must admit that there are times when i internally slap myself and wish i could just teleport myself back home and cuddle with a good book.)
but i’m not one of those people who can go out and socialize two or three days in a row, though. that stresses me out. i need time alone to recharge. =D
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Gawd, yes I can relate. I tend to make plans and then cancel, though I’ve really tried to not do that anymore.
As we were driving home after spending four straight days with family over Thanksgiving, the hubs wanted me to call the fireplace cleaning people to schedule an appt. I told him no because I couldn’t talk to one more person for at least a day.
“But it’s just a short phone call.”
“Yep. Not doing it.”
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It’s a relief to read this post. Last Monday I took my daughter to a stay and play. Fifty families roamed the large hall of the local pavilion. I told myself I was not allowed to leave until I spoke to two people. Then I realised I’d never leave and the target became one. I forced myself to have a small talk with a woman who was nearest to me, and realised that we’ve met before. Shortly after, I migrated across the hall and sat in peace until the thing was over.
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So I sit on the border of Introvert and Extrovert. I am an extroverted thinker – so when I brainstorm, or figure out a problem, I have to talk aloud, bounce things off people ‘I just need to waffle to figure out what I think’ when it comes to social occasions… not so much. I am good at putting on a front though. But I hate meeting new people, I hate small talk, and I quiver in the corner quietly supping on my wine hoping no one talks to me!
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Sacha! You just helped me realize something! I’m on the border, too but have always “recharged” like a true Introvert, needing my alone time. Yet, I think extrovertedly, too! There is such a thing! Thanks!
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Ha! Well there you go I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else like that – glad it’s not just me 😍
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I’m a born again introvert. Up until I was about 50 I loved going out. Adored the pub, parties, loved being out and about. Now, I just want to be at home. And if a social occasion is about 2 months hence, I think, oh good, I don’t have to start dreading it for about 6 weeks yet. I’ve learnt to say no whenever I can, now, because I really, really don’t enjoy socialising any more. Don’t feel guilty about it, because everyone’s different!
It helps to have an ailment that you can call on at any time for an excuse. My husband says this is the best thing about having a heart condition; ideally, we would both stay in the house and never see anyone, ever.
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Been there. Done that. Have the t-shirt. Sometimes I’m so introverted I wear it inside out. 😉
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✔️VG!
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Whoa get out of my head. This is me to a T. 🙂
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I can relate.
If I’m anxious about going somewhere, and there’s no reason other than my introverted tendency to avoid crowds, then I’ll challenge myself. But if I’ve got a valid reason for my anxiety, like: it will be a late night, I don’t feel comfortable driving at midnight, and my energy will be tapped,–I’ll honor it.
You might enjoy my post titled: Hope for Introverts Who Feel Like Party Poopers
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I’m feeling like this about the blogosphere at the moment! I’m an ambivert and I can’t seem to do real world life AND online life both at the same time. Busy time of year!
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I feel the same Lisa…at this time of year especially…and it’s making me cranky as heck 😮
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Clearly something many of us can identify with here, Sarah. I’m lucky that my life is organised in a way that I rarely go out, so that when I do, it’s usually a treat. However, things can get a bit pressured when I don’t have control over the gaps between outings. As of tomorrow, I have four consecutive days in which I will be “going amongst people”, all are things I really want to do, but I imagine I’ll be speechless at the end of it. Perhaps that’s why I’m a bit groggy today in anticipation.
Maybe you need to work out the quantity of outings that works for you, and say no accordingly?
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Oh yeah, I do this! It’s funny because sometimes I feel like I need grown up conversations since either I’m hanging with kids or writing, mostly, yet often when I do say yes I regret it! Either soon after the rsvp or during. You’re not alone 🙂
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Oh Sarah, ironically, I wish I could ‘meet up’ with you to discuss, ha! No texting!!!!! Friends who I think ‘know’ me pretty well will always tell me they think I’m an extrovert. I think I’m an introvert with extrovert traits. I’m meeting three other lovely ladies soon for a Christmas meal, we all used to work together years ago, my first ‘new’ friends when I moved back to the UK 12 years ago. I am dreading it in some ways (as I do with any social gathering), but looking forward to it in others. I will enjoy it yet sooooo glad when it’s over. And none of them will know how exhausted I will be the next day. Weird. I love catching up with them, but I much prefer one to one chats…where we can talk about ‘real’ stuff. LIke writing. And writing. And writing. But then again, give me a dance floor and a few glasses of wine and I’m away… 😉 ❤
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I find meeting new people intimidating because, to me, small talk is A LOT of work. So I hover around the food table and sample… Come to think of it, I’ve gotten a lot of really tasty food tips with this method. 🙂
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I always do this, Sarah! I have an extroverted neighbor and I have trouble telling her no, especially when I’d never get out of the house otherwise (well, except for my Extroverted hubby). When I had to go up to Bonners Ferry for an interview, I invited her along. Coming back I knew she’d ask me to go into Sandpoint with her so I had my “No” all ready and when she asked…I said, “sure.” Argh! I had to write, I had the most reasonable excuse! My Introvert gets shy around Extroverts. Glad no one can see my inner temper tantrum, though. 😀
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I think I’m an introvert/extrovert or bi-polar. Ha, ha! There are days that I feel very social and I want to go out and be around people. Then there are days that I just want to stay home and I would love it if that were on a deserted island. It’s very confusing. I honestly feel sorry for my family. I usually tell them, “Just invite me to everything, the worst that can happen is that I say ‘no’.” 🙂 xx
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I absolutely undersand this, and how comforting to read all these comments, too. We’re far from alone and if you’d like more reassurance I can recommend reading Susan Cain’s Quiet if you haven’t yet come across it.
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I have found that, thankfully, I can usually say yes and have a decent time provided I know I will have a quiet period for a few days afterward to recover and recharge. Totally relatable piece!
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Glad I’m not the only one with the same thought. I battle saying yes to invitations but end up accepting the invites mainly because it’s what you’re suppose to do – namely socialize. So I give it try and challenge myself. But I usualy end up having a good time.
Thank you for this post!
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I am definitely an introvert although I love having conversations about interesting stuff. Small talk puts me to sleep. Having to talk to strangers puts the fear of everything in me. So I like one on one conversations and dancing where I can be an extrovert (a bit like Sherri there.) Once I know someone I go from being silent to a bit more chattery. I often accept invitations given to me when I feel like it but usually by the night it is happening I’d much rather stay at home. Too late then. We now rarely entertain as we have both realised that this is how we always feel on these occasions so we now save ourselves from that problem.
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I’m an introvert, too, and I can so relate to this. >.> I’ve learned to listen more to that inner “no”, lately. My close friends and family have come to learn, as well, that sometimes Brianna just needs to be at home – more or less alone – and when she is recharged, she will come back to their world. 🙂 Also, I’m not fun company (I get grumpy) when I don’t have that recharge time, sooo I guess that has been part of their learning process. ;D
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I’m quite the extrovert and I often do want to please everyone….. that said, I also have times when I wouldn’t mind dropping onto a desolate plane and enjoying silence from everything for at least 3 days. But by trying to please everyone, eventually I mess up and make someone feel bad, thus also myself feeling like a steaming pile. That said, for however extroverted I am, most of what I love doing is a one player type of deal reading, writing, playing guitar, etc. I still often slam into problems by trying to please everyone, although some days I do know better… but boy those other hundreds of days can be draining.
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