Today is the first day of spring. The Vernal Equinox.
I had this really cool post planned. It was introspective and thought-provoking.
It was full of serious talk and thinking stuff.
Instead, I wound up with this barrel full of monkeys. Because that’s what my brain feels like.
I finally fell asleep around 4 am last night. So, I’m working on about 3+ hours of sleep. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I need eight.
Where was I?
Right. The post mentioned all the wonderful things I was going to do today.
I had plans to pause, enjoy nature, seek balance, embrace something new. Pretty much none of that happened. (Unless you consider exhaustion-induced zone-outs “pausing”.)
I will copy two lines from the post:
It is a time of beginnings.
It is a time of balance.
The Vernal Equinox is, indeed, both of those things. Spring is a time of new beginnings and the Equinox a time of balance. I wanted to embrace these.
You know those days you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? Or you open the fridge seven times because you forget what you were looking for? Yes. It was one of those days—all day.
No fresh starts or balancing for me today. I ruined it.
Or did I?
Because, I used this opportunity to not do things. Such as beating myself up for not posting this morning, not reading other blogs, and not getting to my own blog comments.
Also, I didn’t get angry at myself for not living that perfect day I planned.
For me, that’s one hell of a fresh start.
As far as balance? I accepted that, along with the light, joyous pieces of me, there are dark, upsetting ones.
I’m human. I’m whole.
There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m going to just put it out there and say if you’re all sunshine and no shadows, you’re probably pretty boring. Or lying. Which might make you slightly more interesting but certainly not any more likable.
So I didn’t have a beautiful first day of spring. But I did have one more day on this earth. And I learned a few things while I was here. (One of them being that I can go a whole day without beating myself up about anything. And I’m counting that as a win.)
My Sunday thoughts in a sleep-deprived ramble of nowhere near 200 words.
What happens when you plan a day and it falls short of your expectations? Do you give up? Beat yourself up? Move on? (Or a combination?)
Happy Spring! (And, to my friends in Australia, Happy Autumn!)