Rejected Book Intros

 

intros-sig

 

I mentioned my little issue with writing an author bio and how I quickly fixed that by blurting some silly thoughts out and going with it.

I didn’t want to work too hard on it or let it drive me batty—which it right could have. Also, I knew that no matter how much time I spent on it (10 minutes or 10 months), I’d likely look back at it and cringe. So, I chose the 10-minute cringe.

My introduction was a different bowl of spaghetti. Holy meatballs, Batman, that thing did drive me crazy. And I didn’t listen to my own advice (no surprise there) about the bio.

I spent time (much time) and energy (lots of energy) on the introduction. During this time of lunacy when I was alienating friends and forcing family to disown me, I came up with some real doozies.

The following introductions are real. They were not written for your amusement. But I thought I would share them with you in case you are amused. It’s okay, you can totally be embarrassed for me.

 

  • I like writing. I don’t like spiders. I made a book. Read it.
  • I think I’d rather become dinner for the Swamp Thing than continue working on this foreword. Which is ridiculous because the Swamp Thing protects people (and is probably a vegetarian).
  • Short fiction is like dark chocolate. It’s pure cocoa with no fillers. A small piece is rich and satisfying.
  • I don’t like writing bios, forewords, or introductions. Actually, I don’t care for anything that requires me to tell readers about myself or my work.
  • This pumpkin spice stuff is seriously getting out of control. Here’s a book with NO pumpkin spice in it.
  • I’ve missed meals, skipped family outings, remained unshowered for two five days, typed until my eyes were sand paper and my fingers bled, developed headaches that laughed at Tylenol, and alienated many friends with my writer moods. I do hope you appreciate all that went into this book and that you will take pity on me and read it.
  • I triple dog dare you not to read this book!
  • This is a collection of mini stories… But, wait! There’s more! No, there isn’t. But mini stories are fun and delicious. Like those little cupcakes with sprinkles that you can eat a bunch of without having to explain yourself to anybody because they expect you to eat more than one.
  • Will this torment never cease?!!!
  • I’m seriously considering finding a vampire and asking it (“him”? or “her”?) to turn me so I have an excuse to not finish this intro. No, seriously. Now I’m wondering. What is the correct pronoun for creatures of the night? Are they “it” or do you refer to them by the gender they were before they were bitten? And, technically, they are still that gender. Regardless, if I were a turned into a vampire it would require some adjustment on my part. Would that be an acceptable reason for not including an introduction to this collection?
  • There is nothing (not one thing) in this book that mentions the United States political system, the election, or the candidates.
  • Short fiction is known by many names. Flash, sudden, postcard, micro, hint… Hint fiction. Get it? Hinting at Shadows does hint at darkness but it’s also hint fiction. Cool, huh? *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink* Know what I mean?
  • I’d rather be watching Harry Potter.
  • If I write any more introductions, there’s a real possibility I will spontaneously combust.

 

Do you find it difficult to write your introduction or is it easy after you’ve done all the writing/editing/revising for your book?

 

Advertisements

51 thoughts on “Rejected Book Intros

  1. I don’t like spiders either. But I love these not-intros.

    I’ve never had to write an intro, thank goodness. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me, but I can see why the idea would be horrifying. It’s not enough to write your book and put it out into the world. First you have to talk about it. (Actually, why do books need intros?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • So glad you like them (the intros, not spiders). 🙂 It is a crazy-making process. Yes. Horrifying. Books (novels) probably don’t need one but collections… ? They usually include intros and I think mine (a collection of short fiction) needed one.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can only speak as a reader. I never read introductions before I read a book. If I finish a book and like it enough, then I go back to the introduction and read it. Maybe.

    So you might be right not to care about a writing a good introduction. Odds are, people who like your book will like it anyway, introduction or no introduction.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Gah! Don’t say that! 😉

      Well, novels probably don’t need one but most (if not all) of the collections I’ve read have intros. This is a collection of short fiction so I figured I should include one. And I felt it needed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! Love these, Sarah. They take me back to some books I used to read as a kid. I am recalling a “Would you believe?” book, but can’t think of others specifically. I’m sure there were others. I think you could make a killing if you wrote more of these. (Or would that be commit, instead of make?)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the one about missing meals and showers, but I do think that self-deprecating humour that has the potential to backfire with people who don’t know you (them, us). But hey, do you actually need an introduction? I’m assuming you’ve got a blurb that will do the job for you? (Of course just one more thing to cringe over.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, that one wasn’t in the running as an actual intro. But I did write it during this process. I thought about not including one (see vampire intro) but this needed it. Ack! The blurb! I’m not even ready to joke about that yet. That was awful to write.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hehehe. Those are pretty entertaining. As you said in your comments to others, yeah, I’ve never written a traditional intro for my books. But you made it through! Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah…they are now. I’m glad I shared. I was so frustrated at times. As you well know. 😉 Thank you. Yes, I did make it through. And this collection really needed some sort of introduction. Now it has one. For better or worse. Maybe I’ll go with the swamp thing one next time.

      Like

    • Right? You never have to explain yourself. I mean, they’re soo good but so small, no one even looks at you funny if you eat one seven.

      Yeah, I triple dog dare you…where the heck did some of these come from? Late nights? Too much coffee? Too much wine? No idea. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Each and every one of those was a joy to read. Include them all!
    On a more serious note – and bearing in mind the theme of the collection – a light-hearted intro probably won’t work.
    In an ideal world, you’d get another, established, author to write the introduction – so if you know one and they’ve read your work, there’s your answer. Failing that, in 200 words (you can do this!) give a short explanation of how you came to write stories that fit into this category/theme. (just a thought.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • This ship has long sailed, my friend. The intro was done almost a month ago now but I am so glad you liked these “rejected” ones. It was fun to share them once I’d gotten away from them for a bit. You’re right. These intros wouldn’t have worked with the theme of the collection. They were mostly notes I scribbled while frustrated or sleep-deprived.
      Ah. Yes. When I write a full-length novel, if I have a foreword, I’ll have someone else write that. For this one, I did just what you suggested. I wrote a short explanation of how/why I wrote this and explained what readers would find in each of the four sections. Thanks! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s