When you say yes to every request, you’re going to have a real problem. Because, sooner or later, you’re going to ask yourself, “How did I get into this mess?”
You, sweet stuff. You are how you got into this mess. No reason to play the blame game. Okay, lets play. Tag. You’re it. You’re to blame. You did this.
You probably didn’t know it would turn out to be so:
- Time-consuming
- Annoying
- Boring
- Frustrating
- Difficult
- Time-consuming
But…would that have stopped you?
If you had known, what would you have done?
When faced with someone asking for your help or a favor (big or small) are you able to say, “no”? If not, that’s something you really ought to think about.
Which I am. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. As you’ll see in my post tomorrow.
This has been called many things including “the disease to please”. Catchy, huh? Literally and figuratively. FYI: I have this disease so use Purell when you’re done reading, just to be safe.
Until tomorrow, gentle readers.
My Sunday thoughts in 200 words or less.
Do you say “yes” to every request? Where does that leave you?
Lemon Shark 
I used to have this, but I broke. That was then the end of yes. Cause it was me or the yes and I chose me. Sigh.
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Sometimes, in the middle of a mess like this, I feel broken. Honestly, we need to stop. I’m sorry it took this for you to stop but I’m glad you chose you. ❤
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Oh yes, the disease to please! As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had less of a problem saying no, but when I do, I’m still met with a bewildered reaction from the asker. When we ask someone to do something, are we ready for them to say no? I don’t think so and so we are conditioned to assume the person will say yes. So it comes from both ends!
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I wish I could say the same. I thought, as I got older, it would magically be easier. It’s not. I always expect people to say no so I rarely ask! 😀 (I also don’t want to bother people who I think might say yes when they really should be saying no.) You’ve got me thinking of another entire post, my dear. Geez. I’m definitely in a mess here.
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I always say yes because I’m handy with tools and I know how to fix things. I feel that saying no would leave my family and friends with either a continuing problem or a repair bill. I know I’m often just being used, and it takes away from my hobby time, but I feel useful.
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Well, this sounds really nice, actually. You have a skill that you want to use to help those you care about and it makes you feel good. 🙂
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Oh, I am looking forward to the follow up. I’ve gotten much better at saying no to favors I know I will regret, but by better I mean I might say no three out of ten times instead of one out of ten.
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Oh, well. Hmm. That IS better but you can do better than that. I have no answers, just my usual typing out loud. 😉 I’m more of a 0 out of 10 right now.
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Ah, yes, the yes mess. It can be an entanglement with clients, too. Consider this: you know what your client is asking is not the best option, but your suggestions go unheard. You say yes to it all, but then they don’t like the end product for all the reasons you knew it wouldn’t work. If you had said no, they would have hired someone else. That’s a yes mess. Sigh. And clever phrasing, Sarah!
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Yikes. That’s not a Yes Mess, that’s a Circular Cluster of Crap. There was no way to win that one. And I’ve been in that situation. Probably most of us have, if not at work then with friends or family. That’s a tough one. Hope it worked out.
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Ha, ha! Thanks! I feel much better knowing it’s proper identity! 😀 It’s smoothed out for the moment untill the next cycle begins.
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There’s always a next time, isn’t there? *sigh*
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Oh, the disease to please. I’m 80% cured, Sarah, but it took years of suffering and squeaking out the “no” word. These days, because I say “no” a lot, I actually have time to say, “yes” now and then. 🙂 I hope you have a chance to say “no” to something today!
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Ha! 80% cured. Well, that’s something. 🙂 It’s good to know (not good, really, but reassuring) that you went through a process of squeaking out the “no” before you could boldly (and frequently) say it. I’m hoping…
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I’m terrible at saying no, which means my stuff often ends up taking a back seat to other people’s stuff. Sometimes this is very bad.
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Agreed. It can wind up being very bad, indeed. I talk about that a in my next post about saying no. Without research, I’m just going with my gut that letting our stuff take a back seat to other people’s stuff is, in Lemon Shark Clinical Terms, “bad”. I have no answers but I’m trying.
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Unfortunately, I’m one of those people that say yes to everything. I’m a chronic people-pleaser. And I know that not everyone will like or appreciate the things I do for them. But I fear rejection a lot. I’m trying to rid myself of that facet of my being. It’s hard to do, but I have to in order to be a happier person.
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Ugh…chronic. See, when this disease is chronic it’s SO much more difficult. Because you are in the Yes Mess but, in addition, those around you expect you to say yes because they’ve never seen you do anything else.
Completely agree getting rid of this would make you happier but, like you said, it’s not easy. Small steps may be best. That’s what I’m trying.
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oh dear me yes that applies to me; I’m a bit of a sucker for a friend’s request. I can say no if I already have something happening but if not then saying no really doesn’t feel like an option
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We always have the option to say no. But, I agree, it doesn’t feel that way. I can’t stand being in this mess and yet… Why do we do this to ourselves?
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Ah the glorious pain of self-punishment
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I got out of that, quick when I encountered psychic vampires; toxicity to the soul, but I understand how difficult it can be to say, “no”. It’s not easy.
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Ugh. I could write a whole post (a month’s worth) on psychic vampires. And yet…here I am still struggling with saying no. I’m so glad you got out of the Yes Mess.
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I try not to, but I have a hard time saying no- natural born people pleaser. At one time I was raising two kids, one who had daily football practice, one who had cheer practice a couple of times a week, working full time, going to school full time, and I still said yes to be the “team mom” which consisted of organizing t-shirt orders, jersey order, trophy orders, water and snacks, contact information and countless other things for upwards of 50 kids. I didn’t think I would make it through it!
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I’m cringing just reading all that. People-pleasing is detrimental to our health. That’s my take on it. Health and happiness can’t exist alongside stress and overwhelm (which is often the result of people-pleasing). Glad you made it through but maybe think about the “team mom” mess next time you’re about to agree to something. Could help. ?
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Yes definitely, I have to be careful not to take on that much ever again!
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Did I catch it from you? LOL ❤
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Ack! I warned you to use hand sanitizer! 😉
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Omg, I do! My hands are like dried prunes from the stuff, lol. Wait til you read my next travel report tomorrow! LOL 🙂
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I’m looking forward to that! 😀
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Pingback: The “Yes Mess” by Lemon Shark – Drawing on Words
I’ve learned to just make myself so busy, nobody asks me for anything anymore. Except my children, they are constantly asking, “Mama, can I have juice please? Mama, can I go out back? Mama, can I…?”
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Huh. That doesn’t work for me. I am so ridiculously busy, no one could mistake me for someone with free time. I even mess up my hair and make my eyes REALLY wide to look super frazzled so people leave me alone. But they don’t. And kids…well…you could be crumpled in the floor and they’d ask you for juice. Just saying.
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Yup, this one I really struggle with. I’ve learned to not say “yes” quite so much, but I’ve got a ways to go. Your next installment will prove to be helpful, I’m sure! 🙂
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It’s awful, isn’t it? I get stuck in the Yes Mess too often.
I don’t know how helpful the Art of Saying No post is. I just write out loud here, work through stuff, and throw in my non-professional LSCT (Lemon Shark Clinical Terms) like “not good” and “bad idea” and so forth. 🙂
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