“Oh, no,” I gasped.
She rolled her eyes.
“What did I do to deserve this?” I whined. She’d only visited once before, when I’d stopped writing and started wallowing in self-pity. I didn’t know why, but I knew I was in for it. My muse’s sister is a diva.
“Let’s get this over with,” she huffed. “I’ve got a manicure at three.”
I turned my chair to her. “Fine.”
She put her hand on her hip. “You’re not funny. I mean, your sense of humor is so dry, it needs a chaser. Or a shot of tequila. Or both.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She started ticking off my offenses on her fingers. “You’re sarcastic and snarky.”
“I’ve been called worse.”
“Every once in a great while, you manage a bit of wit but that’s it. And you’re completely crazy with your alliteration and internal rhyming.”
“I’m not the only one,” I mumbled.
“Also, the adverbs.”
“Whoa, now… I am firmly in the adverb camp. I don’t care what the ‘experts’ say, adverbs are very cool. Seriously.”
“Oh, and, you’re a commaholic. So there’s that.”
“Yes, well…”
“I’m running out of fingers to count your faults.” She crossed her arms and began tapping her foot. “What’s with the fragments?”
“Love ‘em. Huge fan. Big, big fan of fragments.”
She raised one eyebrow, “Not that I mind, personally, but you swear.”
“Sometimes. Like the smooth ones that effortlessly slide into a conversation and enhance the hell out of it.” I smiled. “I’m picturing Rhett standing by the door, ready to walk out but turning to Scarlett and saying, ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’ What a spectacular moment.”
“Actually, it was,” she swooned. “But watch your mouth.”
“No, no. See, I’m trying to be more…me. Not giving a damn what others think.”
“Honey, you should care what I think because… Eh, keep the swears. But I’m about to call the parentheses police on you!!!”
I bit my lip, “I do have a lot of those, don’t I? Still, would you mind not using so many exclamation points?” I held my stomach. “I think I’m exclamation point intolerant.”
“Excuse me?” She glared.
I lifted my chin and smirked. “Glares are fine.”
She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “You. Are impossible.”
“Was this supposed to help me with something?”
“No. I’m here for the fun of it. I love spending my time with writers,” she spat the word.
I leaned back in my chair. “Still not clear what this was supposed to accomplish.”
“Don’t even.”
“I won’t, erm, even.”
She looked around. “I do like what you’ve done with the place. It’s not me but,” she tapped her chin. “Very…you.”
“Thank you…” I waited.
“Are we done here?”
“Hey, you’re the one who…”
“Whatever.” She waved her hand. “You should cut back on the ellipses, too. When’s the new book coming out?”
“Ah. I see. Well, the collection of short fiction will be published this fall. The novel, next summer.”
“Good.” She was already walking away. “I’ll let Miss Muse know.”
Please check out Diana’s hilarious post about her muse. Thanks, Diana, for the fun read and inspiration to spend some quality, fictional time with our own muses. (Or, you know, their siblings.) 😉
Enjoyed that 🙂
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Thanks, Richard. 🙂
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Welcome 🙂
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I agree with the sister…looks great around here, Sarah 😉
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Thanks, Sue. 💖 I’ve done a bit of redecorating.
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So I see 🙂
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It is so much worse when her Mother comes… slapped fingers for swears, poked in the back for slouching and the grammar police got nothin! Nothin on that bitch. *cough* jus sayin.
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Sounds delightful.
I’m feeling much better about this visit now. 😉 Thanks.
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Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.
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Thanks for sharing. 🙂
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I shouldn’t be, but I’m jealous. My muse has deserted me, and here you have two! Worth it for the stimulation, I suppose!
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Hmm… I’m not sure you’d want her visiting you. 😉 Hope yours returns soon.
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Me too!
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Fabulous!
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Thanks, Juliet. 🙂
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Love it, Sarah. That diva has really got you pegged, hasn’t she? But I’m glad you stood up to her. I like the way you’ve redecorated. As she said, it’s really you!!! (By the way, I’d already read Diana’s hilarious post . . . ) Can’t wait for the new books. That shut her up. Good.
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Does she ever. *ouch*
Yes, I’ve had a virtual facelift. I really like it and it does feel more ‘me’. 💖 Thanks, Norah.
And, yes, new books. 🙂 I’m excited to get them out into the world. Thank you!
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How fun! We writers were so inspired by Diana and her muse. As soon as I saw your photo of Scarlet, I was hooked. Your muse’s sister is so….HER. (P.S. I love adverbs too. And a fabulous fan of fragments….and alliteration.) 🙂
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Diana really started something with her hilarious muse post. Definitely inspiring. 🙂 Woot! Another fan of fragments, adverbs, and alliteration.
(I loved that photo of Scarlett with this. It felt perfect.)
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Now that’s the kind of sister muse to have!
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It is. 🙂 She’s great to have in your corner. (Not so much when she’s late for a manicure.)
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This is great fun. I read Diana’s and Pamela’s muse stories and enjoyed theirs as well. How wonderful that muses (and their sisters) are as individual as we are! 🙂
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Thank you. The muse posts really are fun. (I imagine muses are as unique as snowflakes.) 😉
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Yes, definitely. funnily enough i wrote a poem about my muse some time ago and scheduled it to be posted today , which fits in nicely with the other muse stories 🙂
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Awesome, Sarah. She’s worse than my muse! She loves to “editorialize” – but what a diva. Thanks for taking the challenge! I’ll work a reblog into the schedule. 🙂
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She’s worse than yours? Eh…I guess you’re right. “Editorialize” is a nice word for it. Diva. Pfft.
So happy to take up this challenge. Thank you for the inspiration and invitation. 🙂 It was wicked fun.
I nearly fell out of my chair at the mention of a reblog schedule. Thank you. 💖
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Brilliant girl! I see you have a saucy little muse there, somewhat related to Diana’s new taskmaster muse. I loved this and all the muse stories that have evolved from Diana’s beast! :)xx Ooh, and congrats on the next book. Remember I invited you to be my guest? I had planned September but things got shuffled and was going to get in touch with you soon anyway and ask if you’d like a spot in October. 🙂
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Saucy. That’s a nice word for her. 😉 Yes, Diana sparked an a-muse-ing string of posts. (I know. I’m hilarious.) Thank you kindly. 💖 Looking forward to getting those books finished up. Thank you so much for the offer of a guest post! I’ll email you.
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Fabulous! ❤
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🙂💖
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Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
I’m delighted to share another muse post. This one by the very funny Sarah Brentyn at Lemon Shark. Her muse sent her diva sister over to harass Sarah. Hop over to Sarah’s blog for a laugh. 🙂
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I can’t believe how fast this diva made it to your place. 😉 Thank you for the lovely intro, too. Much appreciated, my friend.
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I’ve been laughing for days. I’m kind of hoping that things slow down around here a little or my muse will be on my case again!
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I’m assuming your muse is not very happy with this. Get back on track before he really gets angry. That would be unpleasant.
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Love it! 🙂
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Thank you, Bette. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Random and Sundry Things and commented:
Wa-a-ay too funny NOT to share! 🙂
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Thanks, Debbi. 🙂 And what a fab intro.
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I enjoyed reading it. How dare anyone suggest you cut back on the swearing?? Don’t you freaking dare. (Wanted to use a different swear word but my muse’s mother slapped me on the back of my head.)
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I know, right?! I won’t. I don’t think she cared too much but wanted to give me hard time about whatever she could. (Your muse’s mother sounds lovely.) 😉 Thanks, Kristina.
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Would like to introduce her to my stolid daimon who has given up on the inspiration lark. He could do with a diva to liven him up. One thing: You are more than equal!!! Sorry to inject her stiletto exclamation points but didn’t know what else to do with them….
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Stiletto exclamation points. 😀 That’s awesome!!! I’ll see if she’ll pay you and yours a visit. I think she could “liven up” pretty much anything. Thanks!!!
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Sarah, this is great!! I’m giggling away at the attitude of the sister muse and smiling at your tolerant calm replies…brilliant post and a perfect read for a gloomy Sunday afternoon! Good luck with your short story collection this autumn! 😀❤️
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Thanks, Annika. 🙂 What else is one to do when faced with an attitude like that? Glad you enjoyed it. And thank you so much for the good wishes! 💖
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So. Much. Fun! But maybe your muse will send her sister off on a weekend trip and get back on duty. Love hearing about other writers’ muses! Love the humor!
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Hmm… I think a spa getaway would work. Yeah, it’s fun to write about them but so fun to read about other writers’ muses. 🙂 Thanks, Julie.
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Oh my gosh, I wonder what the mother is like? [shudder]
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Oh, geez. Now you’ve done it. I was very happy not knowing the answer to that question! (Yes, I used an exclamation point. My stomach was already bothering me, thank you.) 😉 Hi. Thanks for stopping by. I bet you’re thrilled you did.
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Funny!
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Thanks, Jennie. Don’t really think this one here would agree. 😉 Still…much appreciated.
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🙂 Best to you, Sarah.
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With muses like that, who needs…
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Indeed… 😉 Thanks, Jacqui.
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Haha, Sarah. Another wonderful muse story.
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Thanks, Robbie. 🙂
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Your muse’s sister sounds like she’s more Traffic Warden than Diva, whining on about The Rules. I like where you stand on them – in their face! 🙂
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Yes, well, that’d be one hell of a ticket with all those violations. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Nick.
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Very Clevah and amusing. I’m glad you put your muse’s sister in her place!!!!!!!!! (Sincerely.) Damn glad.
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Thank you kindly, Judy. 🙂 I am damn glad about it, too. (The adverbs totally make up for the exclamation points…though I’m guessing that was your plan.) 😉
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We share the same vices. But, I think exclamation points show enthusiasm so what do they know? My main ill is forgetting to close my parentheses. Forgottenman always catches it, though. That and my its it’s oversights. I know better.. just my tragic flaw.
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Ack!!! Forgetting to close parentheses? And “it’s” / “its”? That IS a tragic flaw!!! (I like the sound of ‘Forgottenman’.)
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These muse posts have been fun.
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They have been. 🙂 And writing this was wicked fun.
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I’ve been looking for my muse, but after reading about your encounter with your Muse’s sister, the diva, it may be better to leave mine undisturbed. Also, if my muse’s crazy relatives are going to show up uninvited, I might have to enter the witness protection program. LOL!
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I hope you find your muse but the danger of their relatives showing up is real. Witness protection might work. They’re magical so… Maybe they can still get to you. You can run, but you can’t hide? I’m not sure. Gah!
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I’m publishing a post tomorrow about my search for my muse and I’ll be including a link to your muse post. Such fun times! My muse is a beast!
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A beast? Look forward to reading your post. 🙂 Thanks!
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Hehehehe. 🙂 You tell her!
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Damn straight. 😉
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Good post, Sarah. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thank, Suzanne. 🙂
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I enjoyed every word of this post. Wow. Absolutely brilliant!
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Thank you! 🙂 High praise, indeed. (Every word? There must be at least one word or phrase you thought, “Eh, that kind of sucks.” No?
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Nope.
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