Blurbs, am I right? They’re the scourge of the writing world. A plague. They must be destroyed.
Blurbs are the bane of every author’s existence. (At least mine. And it’s my blog so I say OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!)
Also, I’ll add, intros. Ugh. Though not quite as bad as blurbs, intros are pretty awful. I have a whole post on rejected book intros that’s totally worth reading. It’s sad and kind of hilarious and 100% true.
Here’s a snippet from that post (which could definitely work for blurbs):
During this time of lunacy when I was alienating friends and forcing family to disown me, I came up with some real doozies.
The following introductions are real. They were not written for your amusement. But I thought I would share them with you in case you are amused. It’s okay, you can totally be embarrassed for me.
- I like writing. I don’t like spiders. I made a book. Read it.
- I think I’d rather become dinner for the Swamp Thing than continue working on this foreword. Which is ridiculous because the Swamp Thing protects people (and is probably a vegetarian).
- Short fiction is like dark chocolate. It’s pure cocoa with no fillers. A small piece is rich and satisfying.
- I don’t like writing bios, forewords, or introductions. Actually, I don’t care for anything that requires me to tell readers about myself or my work.
- This pumpkin spice stuff is seriously getting out of control. Here’s a book with NO pumpkin spice in it.
- I’ve missed meals, skipped family outings, remained unshowered for
twofive days, typed until my eyes were sand paper and my fingers bled, developed headaches that laughed at Tylenol, and alienated many friends with my writer moods. I do hope you appreciate all that went into this book and that you will take pity on me and read it.
- I triple dog dare you not to read this book!
- This is a collection of mini stories… But, wait! There’s more! No, there isn’t. But mini stories are fun and delicious. Like those little cupcakes with sprinkles that you can eat a bunch of without having to explain yourself to anybody because they expect you to eat more than one.
- Will this torment never cease?!!!
- I’m seriously considering finding a vampire and asking it (“him”? or “her”?) to turn me so I have an excuse to not finish this intro. No, seriously. Now I’m wondering. What is the correct pronoun for creatures of the night? Are they “it” or do you refer to them by the gender they were before they were bitten? And, technically, they are still that gender. Regardless, if I were a turned into a vampire it would require some adjustment on my part. Would that be an acceptable reason for not including an introduction to this collection?
- There is nothing (not one thing) in this book that mentions the United States political system, the election, or the candidates.
- Short fiction is known by many names. Flash, sudden, postcard, micro, hint… Hint fiction. Get it? Hinting at Shadows does hint at darkness but it’s also hint fiction. Cool, huh? *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink* Know what I mean?
- I’d rather be watching Harry Potter.
- If I write any more introductions, there’s a real possibility I will spontaneously combust.
Titles? Now that’s a different ball of wax. I love titles. Titles for books, blog posts, short stories, flash… Titles are wonderful. Delightful. Magically delicious. (And easy. And fun. Have I mentioned I love them?)
What say you, gentle readers? Can you write blurbs easily? (If so, I don’t like you anymore. Kidding. But do comment because I may hire you.) What about titles? How easy or difficult are those for you?
IWSG Question of the Month
November Prompt – Which is more difficult–coming up with a title for your book or writing the blurb?
IWSG (Insecure Writer’s Support Group)