I mentioned my little issue with writing an author bio and how I quickly fixed that by blurting some silly thoughts out and going with it.
I didn’t want to work too hard on it or let it drive me batty—which it right could have. Also, I knew that no matter how much time I spent on it (10 minutes or 10 months), I’d likely look back at it and cringe. So, I chose the 10-minute cringe.
My introduction was a different bowl of spaghetti. Holy meatballs, Batman, that thing did drive me crazy. And I didn’t listen to my own advice (no surprise there) about the bio.
I spent time (much time) and energy (lots of energy) on the introduction. During this time of lunacy when I was alienating friends and forcing family to disown me, I came up with some real doozies.
The following introductions are real. They were not written for your amusement. But I thought I would share them with you in case you are amused. It’s okay, you can totally be embarrassed for me.
- I like writing. I don’t like spiders. I made a book. Read it.
- I think I’d rather become dinner for the Swamp Thing than continue working on this foreword. Which is ridiculous because the Swamp Thing protects people (and is probably a vegetarian).
- Short fiction is like dark chocolate. It’s pure cocoa with no fillers. A small piece is rich and satisfying.
- I don’t like writing bios, forewords, or introductions. Actually, I don’t care for anything that requires me to tell readers about myself or my work.
- This pumpkin spice stuff is seriously getting out of control. Here’s a book with NO pumpkin spice in it.
- I’ve missed meals, skipped family outings, remained unshowered for two five days, typed until my eyes were sand paper and my fingers bled, developed headaches that laughed at Tylenol, and alienated many friends with my writer moods. I do hope you appreciate all that went into this book and that you will take pity on me and read it.
- I triple dog dare you not to read this book!
- This is a collection of mini stories… But, wait! There’s more! No, there isn’t. But mini stories are fun and delicious. Like those little cupcakes with sprinkles that you can eat a bunch of without having to explain yourself to anybody because they expect you to eat more than one.
- Will this torment never cease?!!!
- I’m seriously considering finding a vampire and asking it (“him”? or “her”?) to turn me so I have an excuse to not finish this intro. No, seriously. Now I’m wondering. What is the correct pronoun for creatures of the night? Are they “it” or do you refer to them by the gender they were before they were bitten? And, technically, they are still that gender. Regardless, if I were a turned into a vampire it would require some adjustment on my part. Would that be an acceptable reason for not including an introduction to this collection?
- There is nothing (not one thing) in this book that mentions the United States political system, the election, or the candidates.
- Short fiction is known by many names. Flash, sudden, postcard, micro, hint… Hint fiction. Get it? Hinting at Shadows does hint at darkness but it’s also hint fiction. Cool, huh? *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink* Know what I mean?
- I’d rather be watching Harry Potter.
- If I write any more introductions, there’s a real possibility I will spontaneously combust.
Do you find it difficult to write your introduction or is it easy after you’ve done all the writing/editing/revising for your book?
LoL. You made our night.
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Awesome. 😀 So happy to hear that! At least they’re not wasted words.
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Not at all! xD
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I don’t like spiders either. But I love these not-intros.
I’ve never had to write an intro, thank goodness. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me, but I can see why the idea would be horrifying. It’s not enough to write your book and put it out into the world. First you have to talk about it. (Actually, why do books need intros?)
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So glad you like them (the intros, not spiders). 🙂 It is a crazy-making process. Yes. Horrifying. Books (novels) probably don’t need one but collections… ? They usually include intros and I think mine (a collection of short fiction) needed one.
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I can only speak as a reader. I never read introductions before I read a book. If I finish a book and like it enough, then I go back to the introduction and read it. Maybe.
So you might be right not to care about a writing a good introduction. Odds are, people who like your book will like it anyway, introduction or no introduction.
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Gah! Don’t say that! 😉
Well, novels probably don’t need one but most (if not all) of the collections I’ve read have intros. This is a collection of short fiction so I figured I should include one. And I felt it needed it.
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Ha! Love these, Sarah. They take me back to some books I used to read as a kid. I am recalling a “Would you believe?” book, but can’t think of others specifically. I’m sure there were others. I think you could make a killing if you wrote more of these. (Or would that be commit, instead of make?)
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Haha! 😀 Commit… That’s more like it. Some of these were written while pulling my hair out. I’m glad I shared them because, embarrassment aside, they are kind of funny now that I take a step back. *sigh* Some of these almost made it into the book. That’s a frightening thought…
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They are amusing. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
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I love the one about missing meals and showers, but I do think that self-deprecating humour that has the potential to backfire with people who don’t know you (them, us). But hey, do you actually need an introduction? I’m assuming you’ve got a blurb that will do the job for you? (Of course just one more thing to cringe over.)
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Yeah, that one wasn’t in the running as an actual intro. But I did write it during this process. I thought about not including one (see vampire intro) but this needed it. Ack! The blurb! I’m not even ready to joke about that yet. That was awful to write.
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I don’t know why you didn’t use these. That swamp thing one in particular is awesome. 😄
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Swamp thing! Haha! What was going on in my head??? 😀 I laugh every time I read that one now. This intro drove me batty. Maybe I’ll use one in my next book.
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It definitely made me laugh.
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But he would be a vegetarian, right? I mean… ?
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I’d go with the triple dog dare you!
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It could have been a good one to use. 🙂
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Some of those are pretty funny!
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I know. 😀 Ridiculous. Some of these are the result of late nights, blurry eyes, mushy brain…but some I actually thought about using. Scary.
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I liked your short stories; well done but I thought this post was going to be about intros?
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That was a compliment. I’ll take it as such even if not intended. 😉 This intro stuff was awful. Yours is great. I assume it was easy for you?
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Oh of course!! Not
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I’m sorry…but I’m kind of glad to hear that. It’s rude of me to say but I’m glad I’m not alone. Yours reads like it just flowed out in one shot.
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You could have used each and everyone of these as short fiction itself, not necessarily termed introduction or just a chapter heading introductions. They are all humorous and we all need a good laugh.
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Thanks! 😀 Some are just silly. Others I’ve had time away from and find them humorous. It was fun to share them on here. Indeed, we all need a good laugh.
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All great – I like the dark chocolate one the best. It describes short fiction so well!
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I think so, too. Couldn’t quite make it work, but it does describe short fiction. No fillers. 🙂
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Triple dog dare for sure. 😉
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I think that one might have worked well. 🙂
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Love the short fiction one, but don’t like dark chocolate. Can I change it to milk chocolate, please?
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Absolutely! 🍫 Here you go. Enjoy!
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Actually rolling on the floor laughing. So glad you’re through the other side of this, but seriously, I do love you!! Tears rolling down my face you ever considered a career in comedy? You should.
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Perhaps I should quit my day job?
Happy you get a laugh from my pain. 😜 Ah, these were such fun. I’m glad I’m on the other side, too. Couldn’t handle much more of this. Thanks. 💖
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Some are quite entertaining. Thanks for sharing your process Sarah. Goes to show we are not alone in our thinking. 🙂
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Thanks. 🙂 At least they didn’t go to waste. Nice to be able to share them here. And, no, we aren’t alone in our late-night, blurry-eyed attempts to “get it right”. Ugh…
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I never throw away any of my writing. I have 2 boxes full of journals and scraps of writing. Every once in awhile I visit them and pluck out a gem! 🙂
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I save mine, too. You never know when you might be able to use them or get a spark of inspiration from them. Or a good laugh. 😀
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Brilliant!! 🙂
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Thanks! 😀
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I think they were very imaginative. The ones about the lack of pumpkin spice and presidential politics would have been extremely appealing at particular times over the last year.
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I was frustrated for most of them but enough time has passed that I’m happy to share them. Embarrassed but having fun. When I was writing this, I was surrounded by politics and pumpkin spice so… Hmm. 🤔 That’s a great title.
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Politics and Pumpkin Spice? Yep, I like it. 🙂
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Hehehe. Those are pretty entertaining. As you said in your comments to others, yeah, I’ve never written a traditional intro for my books. But you made it through! Yay!
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Yeah…they are now. I’m glad I shared. I was so frustrated at times. As you well know. 😉 Thank you. Yes, I did make it through. And this collection really needed some sort of introduction. Now it has one. For better or worse. Maybe I’ll go with the swamp thing one next time.
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HA! I nearly spewed my tea at the “triple dog dare” one.
You’re right, you know, about mini stories and those little cupcakes with sprinkles.
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Right? You never have to explain yourself. I mean, they’re soo good but so small, no one even looks at you funny if you eat
oneseven.Yeah, I triple dog dare you…where the heck did some of these come from? Late nights? Too much coffee? Too much wine? No idea. 😀
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Each and every one of those was a joy to read. Include them all!
On a more serious note – and bearing in mind the theme of the collection – a light-hearted intro probably won’t work.
In an ideal world, you’d get another, established, author to write the introduction – so if you know one and they’ve read your work, there’s your answer. Failing that, in 200 words (you can do this!) give a short explanation of how you came to write stories that fit into this category/theme. (just a thought.)
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This ship has long sailed, my friend. The intro was done almost a month ago now but I am so glad you liked these “rejected” ones. It was fun to share them once I’d gotten away from them for a bit. You’re right. These intros wouldn’t have worked with the theme of the collection. They were mostly notes I scribbled while frustrated or sleep-deprived.
Ah. Yes. When I write a full-length novel, if I have a foreword, I’ll have someone else write that. For this one, I did just what you suggested. I wrote a short explanation of how/why I wrote this and explained what readers would find in each of the four sections. Thanks! 🙂
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Loved these!
You’ve done it! You are ‘out there’ with your own book. Oh my days I am so chuffed for you. Well done!
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Oh I’m ‘out there’, alright. 😉 Yup. All those characters are out in the world. Kinda cool. Thank you! 🐠
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I wrote a foreword for my latest book: a compilation and anthology set during lockdown. I didn’t find it too difficult to write but the title still confuses me. Should it be a foreword, or a preface? I’m now leaning towards preface. Any tips? And I love your not quite intros. Perhaps we should all write these. That would be such fun!
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Okay… Not 100% certain about this but I believe a foreword is written by someone other than the author. A preface is written by the author telling readers about the process of the book (like why you wrote it…). An introduction is written by the author and sort of, well, introduces the book and talks about what readers will find in the book. Your new compilation sounds great. I’ll bet there will be lots to say (from many) about what went down during lockdown. 😉
Yeah, these intros were fun. Well, not at the time of trying to write, but when I shared them. Kind of hilarious, to me at least, of things I actually wrote.
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I can relate to the need for a huge dollop of humour when doing anything like this, Sarah. In fact, my longer author bio tends to read like some of them. Lol. And thanks for the help with the preface/foreword confusion.
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Sounds like a fun bio. 🙂 Yes, of course. Don’t quote me on that (har) but I’m fairly certain that info is correct. Good luck with it!
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